that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
