His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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