at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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