i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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