so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
