Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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