I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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