# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
