Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
