think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
