No more Irish car bombs ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
