its not stalking. its research.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
