Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
