then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
