I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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