I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
