I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
