the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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