I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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