tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
