puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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