Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
