one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My ATM looks so different sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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