You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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