Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
