I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
