Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
