Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
