well you can't waste a boner
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this just has baby written all over it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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