Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
