On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
