Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
