just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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