If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
