dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
