I wannas sexs uuuuu
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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