I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You made out with two different species that night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
