dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
