i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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