Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My feet surprised me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
