grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
