how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
