brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Randomize
