"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The Olympian is in my bed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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