U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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