D3 body, D1 cock
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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