What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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