Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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