OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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