I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
