Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
