i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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