i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
