Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize
