but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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