Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
