she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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