I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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