she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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