Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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